It’s Out of My Hands

by Ronnie on October 11, 2011

It’s Out of My Hands

It’s Out of My Hands

It’s never really been in them

Though I believed it to be so

No, oh no, I was mistaken – the foundation is now shaken.

It’s never really been in them

It wasn’t mine to wield

Rather only time will reveal

Only time can heal

Though I believed it to be so

Nothing is ever what it seems

There are always secrets hidden below

Dig deep enough and they will show

No, oh no, I was mistaken – the foundation is now shaken.

I must revisit the core

Find balance and awaken

Close the window and open the door.

It’s out of my hands…It’s never really been in them.

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Dear Friends,

As many of you may know, Taylor and I separated about a few months ago. Although it has been an amicable transition, it has been one of the hardest ones I have had to go through emotionally. I have chosen to follow my dreams of being an actor to Hollywood and Taylor is pursuing his dreams in The Big Apple, NYC. I guess I just wanted (needed) to take a moment to reflect and share with you a small glimpse into my heart.

In the two years of our relationship together, Taylor and I saw the best of times and we certainly saw some darker ones too, but above anything else I look back and fondly remember the good times – the laughs – the comfort – the love. I’m not sure what I would have done without Taylor over these past few years – his energy, love, and wisdom helped guide me through some of the most trying times I had ever faced. He is truly one of the smartest, creative, and talented individuals I have ever met – and his heart is filled with warmth and kindness. Even when dark and toxic energy loomed around us, Taylor never wavered – loyal and supportive always. In fact, I can say sincerely say that Taylor was the brightest and most significant part of my entire NYC experience.

So, how does a love like that cease to exist? Well, it doesn’t cease to exist – it simply transforms. My love for Taylor is deeply rooted and will never be extinguished, but as Adele so beautifully sings, “Sometimes it lasts in love, sometimes it hurts instead”. It was important for Taylor and myself to take time to work on ourselves and to pursue our dreams without limits – to learn some life lessons that can unfortunately only be learned alone. I suppose we all have baggage that we carry, but if we don’t take time to address that baggage – it can bubble up in toxic ways. I personally know that I have to dig deeper into myself, peel back the layers, and do some cleansing in order to move forward and be able to offer my heart to anyone. The worst thing we can do is try to hide from our past because it inevitably will project itself onto current and future situations and relationships. It is important to take time to heal, love yourself, and find ways to resonate with positive energy – and that is what I am doing now. I love Taylor very much and I am so excited for all the great things he is going to do in NYC and beyond. I hope you will keep a close eye on his work too: http://www.taylorproffitt.com

I’m not sure what the future holds for my love-life, but when my Mom asked me if the reason we broke-up was because I had found someone else – all I could think of was YES! That someone else is ME. It wasn’t fair for me to be in a relationship at this juncture in my life because I simply am not ready. I have so much more to learn and do before my heart can be placed back on the market. I have found great passion for Acting and have decided to take the next biggest risk since my move to NYC in 2008, by moving to Los Angeles in 2011 – and I’m hitting the ground running. In the past week, I have been taking meetings with agents, managers, publicists, and catching-up with old friends. My energy truly resonates on the West Coast – enjoying roller-blading on Venice Beach, giving Angel Readings to friends and clients, and even sitting in traffic with my radio blasting brings a sense of comfort. My next steps are to get enrolled in some amazing acting classes to improve my craft and to create opportunities to learn and grow everyday. The next chapter of my life is dedicated to emotional and intellectual honesty, digging deeper, asking tough questions, and living authentically – free from the negative energy that may try to slow my roll, just got to keep on moving.

I’m proud to say that in the past year I have successfully completed two film projects, Eating Out: Drama Camp, and “Into the Lion’s Den”. Eating Out: Drama Camp will be available on DVD this month and Into the Lion’s Den is premiering in Washington DC at the Reel Affirmations Film Festival – so if you are in the area on October 16th, 2011 – stop in and see it! You can join me for a GLAAD Panel on October 12th too, simply see the links below:

GLAAD PANEL TICKETS on OCTOBER 12th

 INTO THE LION’S DEN PREMIERE on OCTOBER 16th

So, what’s next? Well, that is yet to be written. I have a few projects in the works – but mostly I am just taking time to enjoy the moment and to discover a deeper understanding of self. I’m thankful to my friends and family in Chicago, NYC, Los Angeles, and all-around the world for their love and support – always. Your warm notes, messages, and comments inspire me to great heights and I look forward to keeping our conversations going. To Taylor, I truly wish you nothing but the best in your life and will support you in all of your endeavors – you have touched my heart in ways no one else can. Thank you for being a friend.

Thanks for listening guys. Have a safe and productive week ahead – and remember, never give up on your dreams. Anything is possible, but HOPE alone will not get you there – you must take ACTION.

Warmly,

Ronnie

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It’s Okay. It’ll be Okay.

by Ryan Stutz on September 26, 2011

I have not written in a while, and I’m afraid this post may only be short, but my little sister posted a status that really made me think.

She stated, “It is easier to be wise for others than ourselves.”

So why am I posting this? I want everyone to take a deep breath and relax. Sometimes emotions really cloud our perspective, so our actions may not reflect what our brains know to be the right thing to do. In fact, it may take us going through whatever is thrown our way to come out with the working knowledge to function. So, go easy on yourself. The advice given to others may not always be easily ready at your fingertips when you are under the microscope.

Until later, take care of yourself. You deserve it.

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Yes, Please.

by London Villamayor on September 26, 2011

In a world where we are so driven by what we can get from it, the idea that by just answering with a simple “yes” has just recently come into my foresight. Yes is in a word, brilliant. Brilliant in the sense with a simple yes, can open you up to a whole world that you may have never known to exist.

Yes to a new restaurant, a new special, a new person, a new look, and maybe a new you. I realize that it’s difficult to step out of ones comfort zone, the personal bubble world in rose colored glasses I’m a clear case and point, but when one approaches the world with eyes wide open to Yes the world may surprise you.

Clearly by changing to a world of “yes” can’t be all bad, can it? I’m looking at it as a challenge. Who knows maybe it could be the start of something new.

I think that if you really want something that maybe the world of yes might be the greatest asset, a catalyst if you will.

It reminds me of this documentary I saw a couple years ago, Man on Wire. It was about the man who planned, plotted, and finally walked a tight rope across the WTC Buildings. The film was really good, I wish I wasn’t so tired, and that it would have been more commercially received, but all in all, it was definitely an inspiration.

I mean if you really think about the comparison of life and a tight rope; you either walk it confidently and take the risk falling in failure; you can fear the ledge and stand on solid ground never taking the chance, or walk the rope fearlessly with no regrets facing and completing it victoriously.

Oftentimes, I don’t know what to do anymore… it’s as if when I think things are figured out and I’m soaring on cloud 9 then something happens and I find myself trying to dig out of a grave [figuratively]. Granted, my life could be worse, of course it could always be better. #Just saying. Anyways, I’m educated, I have decent employment, a roof over my head [for the time being], and [dis]functional friends and family whom I cherish. However, I often wonder if I had the opportunity to change that, would I?

Just walking out the door is a journey of which I intend to make every step count. I am trying to be the person that the world has inspired to make the changes necessary for each tomorrow. It makes more sense in my head.

As with most people who’ve graduated from college; I find myself straddling the line of young adult and adult. Financially speaking, more often than not, I struggle to make ends meet. Living paycheck to paycheck is not what I had intended to call a living. I had envisioned, that by now, I would be living on my own making a name for myself inspiring the world to make change. It is difficult, however I struggle to survive in order to be a building block for others who may need me one day.

I believe in myself, I believe that by putting my mind to the positive aspects of my abilities, that by striving for greatness I can and will achieve greatness. GIVING UP is NOT and option, it’s one I try to avoid at all cost.

Though I tend to find simplicity and hardships a building block to positive strength of character, is the challenge worth it when your content? I have slowly come to accept that my daily life will be as such— A balancing act of dreams and contentment that is of course until I truly open myself up to “Yes, Please.” and when that day comes…

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Why would you Bully Me?

by Ronnie on September 23, 2011

http://www.iamantiviolence.org

Bullying can happen to anyone. It can be name-calling, harassment, threats, or physical attacks. Bullying is violence. Together we can end violence against lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and queer people.

The Anti-Violence Project teamed up with Underdog Entertainment to produce a series of Public Service Announcements to bring awareness to the growing problem of anti-LGBTQ violence. Watch the PSA’s, visit the links below and get involved. Bullying is violence.
PSA directed by Daniel Azarian.

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Hold my hand, I am there.

by Ronnie on September 15, 2011

September 15th, 2011

Today is not just any day – in fact, it is one of the most challenging and emotional ones I have had in a long time. While the entire world mourned the tragedies that happened on September 11th, 2001 – my family was also going through a far more personal struggle. We watched the continuing news coverage of the World Trade Center attacks from the bedside of my Grandma Lee in her Intensive Care Unit. She was heavily sedated to reduce the pain from an unfortunate and unstoppable infection – coming in and out of consciousness for moments long enough to acknowledge our presence and to catch a few words from the newscast. A large tube down her throat that kept her hanging on and a certain unrest in her soul – she was not about to give up without a fight. Most times we were uncertain if she even knew who we were, but there was no real way for her to communicate with us between the tube and the heavy sedation.

As I write this blog, I can smell the sterilized hospital equipment – I can hear the sounds of the heart monitor – I can see my Mom and my Aunt holding on to one another – trying to make sense of everything that was going on. Halfway through the evening things started to take a serious turn for the worse. Our neighborhood Pastor, John Clemens, was asked to come and do the final rights as he had been a friend of the family for many years. I had to ask myself, “Was this all really happening”? My Grandma – the fighter, a World War II veteran, the woman that looked fear and adversity in the face and scoffed – was losing the battle. This couldn’t be happening – one of my best friends was slowly being taken from me- and there was nothing I or anyone else could do. I was 18 years old – I had just started my first semester of college, and everything seemed to change in my world in a matter of 4 days.

My Grandma was the kind of Woman that you wanted in your corner – she never took anybody’s crap. She was always the first person to stand up for the underdog if they were being bullied or abused – and she certainly wasn’t afraid of throwing a punch. She was what you would call a feisty one; a good smoke in one hand and an Old Style Beer in the other was contentment on a warm Chicago Summer Day – well, any day really!

I couldn’t stand to watch her lying there in so much pain – watching my Mom’s heart break as she had to sign the DNR forms that would ultimately leave Mother Nature to her business without human interference. I had to wonder, “Was Grandma even still in there”? I had to know…so, I grabbed her hand in mine and placed the other calmly on her head to stroke her hair – “Grandma, if you can hear me – please just give me some sort of a sign that you know we are here with you and that you are not alone. We love you so much, please – just give us something. All of a sudden, she shot upright in the bed and with a clear sense of purpose transcended the affects of the drugs for a moment – long enough to grab my hand tightly and speak through the restrictive muffling of the ventilator – “I am always with you – everything is going to be OK”. Even as she was losing her battle, Grandma found a way to teach what would be the final lesson, or the importance of knowing that her worldly death did not mean the death of her spirit, but rather her spirit would live on in all the lives that she touched with her magnetic presence. I could not personally handle being there as she drew her final breath – it was too much, so I went home only to receive a phone call a few hours later that she had passed.

Memories flooded my brain – grilled cheese sandwiches and tomato soup while I watched Sally Jesse Raphael, the leopard print coat, the silly wigs, the pickled cucumber salad, singing like barnyard animals, the time I threw smoke bombs into the apartment and scared the hell out of her, Friday nights at The Lawrence House – dancing, playing guitar, singing, My Way by Frank Sinatra, The day she told my BF that he had better treat me right otherwise he would be in serious trouble, family dinners, denture creams and powders aplenty, falling down the stairs like baby tumbles and not feeling a thing, decorating Christmas Trees, crossword puzzles, the radio on full blast, the loan for the lemonade stand, scratch off tickets, stories of Mitzi Marie and Snoopy, the potato chip trail to her bedroom, the thought of eating chicken AGAIN, the deep red lipstick, the smell of white diamonds…

To this day I truly believe that Grandma sends me signs – to let me know that she really is here, but I have to be available to acknowledge them. We must remain open and purposefully create time to talk with those that we lost- have conversations at length and be aware of the subtle ways they speak to us. More importantly, we must take time to nurture the relationships that we currently have with our loved ones and not take them for granted. While we never know what tomorrow holds, we can choose to live in the moment and seize every opportunity to love and be loved – it’s all that really matters at the end of the day. I am forever thankful for the influence my Grandma had in my life, but the greatest gift she ever gave me – truly and forever will be, my Mom. It has been 10 years to the day – and we will never forget her memory – she is always ‘there’ – holding our hand.

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Cage the Rage and Smile.

by London Villamayor on September 10, 2011

So long story short I had a customer verbally assault me today because I wouldn’t return his final sale item. It was sort of epic, reminiscent of a child’s terrible two tantrum. All I could do was smile.

It’s kinda sad and humorous at the same time how he flipped the script in seconds realizing how much of a jerk he was being. Not that I needed to be rescued by my manager approached calmed him down doing the return and learned of his no good, very bad day… cause clearly its the go to excuse to act like a jerk. Anyway afterwards she came up to me and asked if I was OK. I smiled again and I said “I’m perfect, no one can ruin my day except for me.” It was my Oprah Ah-Ha moment…

It amazes me how often we as people find ourselves in the “heat of the moment” acting like jerks or letting others make us feel less than amazing just because we can’t cage the rage. That by having a horrible day with all its variables allows for some free pass some all powerful viable excuse to be hurtful to others, when in reality it’s up to us.

It’s true no one can make you feel a certain way unless you first all them to. If things aren’t quite going your way, sure its easier said than done to flip the script and make it better, but it’s kinda the truth. Life’s what you make of it. If you want to vacay in the valley of woes me… and sometimes we just can’t avoid it. However, there comes a time when you’ve got to know that it’s all just a state of mind.

Clearly I’m not some super brain or certified in council, but I’ve learned through my actions, mistakes, my feelings, etc… that sometimes to cage the rage we’ve got to just smile.  Maybe it’s just me?

 

 

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So, when I was growing up with one of my oldest and dearest pals, Christian, we used to spend a lot of time at the beach, swimming, making s’mores, riding bikes, horseback riding, and other cool “kid stuff”. But, what really stands out in my mind was the spirituality and positive energy that his Mom, Grace, would share with us via special card readings, or “Angel Readings” – aka Celestial Wisdom Cards.

Celestial Wisdom Cards are not Tarot Cards – they do not tell your future, but rather they offer guidance and insight. The power and the magic behind the readings came from Angels, but the effectiveness of the read all depended on the open mind of the person being read and the healing energy of the card reader. It became tradition that we would take turns giving one another readings and always found it to be spiritually and physically uplifting – it was something we all truly looked forward to and enjoyed.

Now, I would like to share the energy of “Angel Readings” with all of you! I was able to get my hands on a set of these special cards and have created a special page here at RonnieKroell.com that you will be able to visit and reserve your own special Angel Reading. While I will be living in Los Angeles, CA – most reads will be done in that area, but I of course would be willing and able to negotiate travel to a place that is convenient for you. These readings are very powerful, healing, andtherapeutic – so, I take them very seriously.

If you are serious about receiving some spiritual guidance/healing and have an open mind – then please click on this link, RESERVE MY ANGEL READING.

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The Sum of his Parts

by London Villamayor on September 7, 2011

Oftentimes I wonder what it would take for me to come across that seemingly perfect [for me at least] male specimen… the one man that is just right for me. I’ve compiled lists, traits, characteristics, and specifications as to who that would or could be.

The right stature, athleticism, carriage, sex appeal, humor, wisdom, charm, charisma, values, faith, strength, sensitivity, fashion sense, creativity… the list goes on and on. At the end of it all I find myself utterly clueless to men, and rightly so. How does one separate a “good on paper” list of qualities from the essence of a real live person? I want to discover and explore the sum of his parts, one day.

I mean granted, I haven’t exactly met or have been put in the situation to meet that person [correction I do get put into those situations but I'm such a spaz when it comes to guys], but it also comes down to how utterly clueless I feel when I’m attracted to them.

This is difficult, trying to decipher how one builds up the courage to do these sorts of things I mean really, it freaks me the Eff out. le sigh. I don’t know what-the-chuck I’m doing.

I think that I’ve lost my muchness [c/oBurton's Mad Hatter], or maybe I never had it to begin with? IDK I take a deep breath to say hi and the fight or flight response just kicks in. I think it’s a fear of rejection… or getting hurt in the sense that I don’t want to end up on the news as an agenda.

So am I’m writing this very blog I’m sitting next to a glorious foreign specimen [I want to say he's Russian or maybe Czech] in the near wee hours of the night trying to muster the courage to give him a very juvenile note with my digits and a potential invite to coffee, a part of my smiles with excitement and the other part of me continues to hesitate and think that it’s too forward.

When exactly does one find the balance between the two; to find it in themselves to make it known that “hey I like you and we should talk sometime.” Is it really that easy, I mean you see and hear about people doing it all the time; just that initial meet or whatever?

I guess at the end of the day, I’m not quite sure who it is I am looking for; however the glittering generalities have always been a starting point. The list if you will, of all the little quirks I say that I’m attracted to, but even that list is subjective. Because really I have a fickle crush quota when it comes to guys I find attractive, clearly case and point the glorious foreigner still sitting next to me.

I don’t know; I’ve barely gotten this idea that guys shouldn’t have to do all the work. Whatever that means? I mean really it’s confounding. Clearly I’m a late bloomer.

A Friend:  ”Here are you’re wings! NOW FLY! FLY!”

I WANT to fly, really I do. Am I making sense anymore, maybe I should just call it a night. BTW I’m going to give him the note, so wish me luck. :) be Loved.

ps… this blog was NOT written by Ronnie lol love ya Ronnie.

pps… gave him the note spazzed out and darted before he could say anything I’m such a coward. le sigh.

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ION ARIZONA – INTERVIEW

by Ronnie on September 1, 2011

Thank you to the incredible folks at ION Arizona – especially the charming Deon Brown! I truly appreciate all the support, thoughtful questions, and brilliant feature. I am excited to embark upon my journey from NYC to LA to focus on more films! It is because of the incredible support of my friends, family, and fans that I get to do my work in the world…learning and growing everyday. Keep following your dreams guys- anything is possible…with hard work and determination.

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