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886 Views and only 51 likes, well at this point I’m just glad that I’m providing a positive public face in comparison to some of the over sexualized stereotypes of yester-year for others to view. I have 10 days ladies and gents till my audition for the Glee Project season 2 in Nashville on the 9th…
So the concept of The Glee Project is simple enough to comprehend. There is a nationwide search for what is dwindled down to 12 “kids” and over a 12 week period those “kids” compete and are mentored by Glee’s Producers, Casting Director, Music Supervisor, Choreographer, and cast members until One, or in it’s initial season where four winners were chosen to guest star on GLEE…
Ok, so normally I’m not one to SHAMELESSLY promote myself, however after I filmed my online submission I realized something… If I don’t do something now, people [generally speaking] will never know that I ever existed… clearly this isn’t some awe inspiring blog entry or maybe it is, who knows? What I do know is that I’m like Tinkerbell, I NEED applause to live. LOL.
I can honestly say that I’ve never wanted anything more than I want this… I want this more than I’ve ever wanted to be thin… and if you really knew me, you’d know that those words coming out of my mouth is EPIC.
I may not be the most talented person in the world but I have the potential to create change and hopefully inspire others. be Loved Watch, Like, and Share my story.
http://www.thegleeprojectcasting.com/Auditions/View/50377
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My day started with a great agency meeting with KSR. Before the meeting I sat in the waiting room and became acquainted with a beautiful actress named Afton Quast – such soulful energy and talent exuded her very presence. We had a good giggle and came up with my Hollywood Name – “RONNIE FOREVER”. It has a ring to it, don’t you think? I’m not going to rush off to the courts just yet, but it will be fun to play with. It can be nerve-racking getting ready to go into an agency meeting, but Afton really took the edge off and I’m looking forward to becoming closer friends. While in the agency meeting I discussed my goals to progress as an actor, to learn and grow, and to really find my niche. As an artist in general it can be very difficult to manage the business side of “show business” because we are so wrapped up in making art! It is VERY important to surround yourself with people that really understand the business and that will be able to offer constructive criticism; without it we risk staying in one place.
I personally have enjoyed the journey to get to where I am today – but, at the same time it can still be confusing and frustrating. Anything worth having ever comes EASY – this is a fact. It takes hard work, the ability to dig down deep within yourself, a strong backbone, and a tenacious spirit that never relents. I didn’t grow up with money, but I was certainly wealthy. I learned from a young age to respect others, never to judge a book by its cover, and to remember that the two largest assets that I possess are my mind and my heart. Looks fade – intelligence can never be taken away from you.
The one thing I have always been blessed to have are mentors – without them I would not be who I am today. I can look back on the past 28 years and pinpoint all of the individuals, or Earth Angels as I like to call them, that have offered me love, guidance, and support – because they believed in me and the work that I was meant to be doing in this life. Each of them have and continue to shape my life and impact my journey; I am forever in their debt and do not take their presence in my life for granted. I cannot stress enough the importance of reaching out and sharing your dream with someone who can teach you, support you, and assist you along your journey – as Abraham Lincoln said, “There is no such thing as a self-made man”. Each new day is an opportunity to really shine, to seize opportunity, and to dig deeper into self-awareness and understanding – but we need others in order to help us along our journey…I believe in group success!!
As a child, I always knew I wanted to model – even as a pimple faced prepubescent teen I touted that fact to my friends and family. They supported me and always provided me the encouragement and means to live those dreams. Little did I know that one day that I would have the opportunity to compete on an Internationally Syndicated Reality Show – BRAVO’s, “Make Me a Supermodel” and take my dream to the next level! What a rush that experience was…and an honor to have received messages from around the world from a diverse fan-base wanting to share well-wishes and personal stories with me. You have no idea how those messages cheer up my day, especially when the rain clouds seem to hang around far too long!
AND THEN…PLAYGIRL Magazine calls via Daniel Nardicio. Really? Was this really happening? No, I can’t do that – it’s scandalous! Or maybe, I can. Maybe I can be an artist – share a story – do a social science experiment. The political scientist in me is always looking for an opportunity to challenge the status quo and start conversations – Why not start a conversation about “Dropping the Labels”, “Human Sexuality”, and “American Sexual Prudence”. Not to mention, I was ready for a liberating personal moment – to break free and to be comfortable in my own skin. After all, I was to be the first publicly openly-gay figure to grace the cover of a traditionally “Woman’s Entertainment” magazine…what did I have to lose? Well, in reality – we all have choices to make every single day. Some are small, others are larger in scale, but we are in the driver’s seat. All choices made come with a certain set of risks and rewards – so it is important to weigh them out before moving forward. I knew that choosing to pose nude in PLAYGIRL Magazine was going to close some doors and open others – but, that is part of life. I own my decisions, I research them before I make them, and then I can move forward free of any regret or questions in my mind of, “What if”? All of these decisions are a part of me, my character, and my story…
Then came, “Eating Out:Drama Camp & Into the Lion’s Den. It was time to shift my energy towards acting…to dig deeper…to ask tougher questions of myself…to acquire a real sense of emotional and intellectual honesty. Let’s be real, we all have baggage. It is important to peel back the layer of our being and to deal with the toxic energy head on instead of ignoring it, pretending like it doesn’t exist, or suppressing it with large quantities of drugs, sex, and/or alcohol. We all have emotional scars, but if we are not careful we can project those scars onto the people we love and to current situations in our life that ultimately end up getting poisoned by our past. I have purposefully challenged myself to set time aside to ground my energy and to sit with my own thoughts; to prune people, places, and things that do not resonate truth for me and/or prevent me from living authentically. But, mostly I have challenged myself to take responsibility for where I am – it is all too easy to blame others, but the reality is we are responsible for where we are and for how we are allowing others to treat us.
Now, I am in Hollywood. After 3 years of learning and growing in New York City – it is time to really begin to share my story with all of you. To live openly, honestly, and to work on projects that will continue to inspire me and those that share in them. My energy has never been more vibrant, my outlook has never been this fresh, and my heart has never been this open – Los Angeles is where I am supposed to be. It is time to not only share my personal stories, but to share those of others that NEED to be heard. As an Actor and as a Human Rights ACTIVIST – my hands are not my own, but they are here to do the WORK that must be done in collaboration with all of you. This collaboration will secure and provide a community in which we can all be proud to live in and share with future generations.
It is up to keep the lines of communication open, to share our dreams with one-another, and to have compassion for our brothers and sisters. We must make time to love one another – who knows what tomorrow may bring. Why wait until someone has passed on to celebrate them? Why wait until a major disease strikes to start living for today and to do the things you love? Why wait for someone else to define you or give you opportunities? It is time to create our own opportunities, to make our own luck, and above all else – to be thankful. To say, THANK YOU – for what I have. To open our hearts to random miracles. To love unconditionally and to FORGIVE others – in doing so we open ourselves up to the ABUNDANCE that the universe wants each of us to live in.
I am thankful for my friends, my family, and my fans. I am thankful for the life I have been given – it is mine to make the most of for a short time and I am simply committed to doing the best that I can – it’s all any of us can expect of ourselves. I look forward to staying in touch with all of you! I especially want to say thank you to Adam Shankman & Lifetime Television for their work in the community and congratulations on your Out Fest Legacy Awards – they are well deserved!! I had such a great time celebrating with you and look forward to seeing future projects – maybe even participating in some of them. Shout out to Guido Gotz for his generosity and time to arrange for my attending the Out Fest Legacy Awards, thank you to my friend and Project Runway Star Joshua Christensen for his magical styling for the evening(of course sporting purple for Spirit Day), and to my new friend Matt Breen – who’s work with Advocate Magazine continues to shape and spotlight the work of hard-working and incredible members of the LGBT Community and our Allies.
Warmly,
Ronnie
Photo Credit for Ronnie: LOS ANGELES, CA – OCTOBER 20: Ronnie Kroell attends the 2011 Outfest Legacy Awards at Directors Guild Of America on October 20, 2011 in Los Angeles, California. (Photo by Jonathan Leibson/FilmMagic)
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(I’ve mentioned this to a few of my friends on numerous occasions, time to write it down)
I have this dream…
I pack some things and go to the airport, pick a flight and end up in Greece. When I get there I take trains and busses until I feel like I have gone far enough. I get off at a small Greek fishing town, nestled on a steep slope leaning down towards the turquoise Mediterranean. With all its white houses, like oddly shaped building blocks carefully placed into and on top of each other. With alleys and stairways threading through it all.
So I find a small room to live in high up on the slope. The house is very old with noisy rusty pipes, hard stone floors and a verandah overlooking most of the town, the black volcanic beach and the extensive plain of water stretching to the horizon.
There is no furniture in the room except a piano at the window, a mattress; and an old table and chairs out on the verandah. Can you smell the fresh air?
I end up helping out every day at the local bakery, for a daily salary to allow me to eat, drink and read (and pay the rent). At first I would not understand a word of the language the people speak, but I learn fast and later manage to communicate well.
Mostly I would look forward to market day where a small truck is loaded before the crack of dawn and I sit on the back of the old, coughing pickup and watch the sun rise, dangling my bare feet over the edge as we drive to a nearby city to sell the baked goods at a market on a piazza dwarfed by the tower of a massive medieval cathedral. Here I watch the people, observing them as they go about their day. My mood is mixed with the lavender smell of the flower stall, the taste of bread and olive oil, the sound of coins exchanging hands and the smile of a passer by, before we take the trip back home, with the stars to their millions in the sky and the silver moonlight reflecting on the ocean.
Sometimes I would ask to go out with a row boat onto the bay with a local fisherman and fish the entire day, or just lay in the boat and bob up and down in the water, listening to the fisherman telling me about the argument he had with his wife that morning. Every caught fish would be an event of joy and laughter, as it rocks the boat and splashes the water. Just to be followed by that calm wait, for another one to bite the bait.
Back on shore I walk the beach, it glistens and sparkles in the full moon light, the oceans crashing violently and with a thunder into the near rocks in its lunar high tide.
Weekend breakfast is fresh bread, smoked salami and eggs with olive paste. And the days off from the bakery are spent in the shade on the verandah, with a thick writing pad with hundreds of empty pages waiting to be scribbled, sketched, scratched, written, typed (with a typewriter the landlady borrows me), spilled and smudged on, cried and laughed over, pondered and played on. I pour myself out onto the white – thoughts and feelings to be caught up by the pages.
Until one day I am ready to move on or go home. Unless I find myself never ready to leave, I could … stay forever.
I have a spot I visit, high up on the top of a huge boulder towering over rock formations on the beach. Here I can become calm, quiet, and visit that center core inside my soul. Time here is not time: Standing there, everything ceases to exist but the air I breathe at that moment and my pulsing heart in the wind. Being alone at this spot becomes sacred as it lets me feel more and more balanced with my being.
For months I live on in this place, barefoot, with flour in my hair and a tan on my skin. Spending the days in the bakery learning the trade, making friends and family, laughing, playing soccer on the beach or learning how to play chess from an old man.
Back at the house with an oil lamp outside I spend the evening with neighbors eating hearty Greek food and drinking red wine with no label or fancy name, listening to the animated conversations going deep into the night. When finally the oil in the lamps burns out, I fall into bed, happy, and fall asleep the moment I close my eyes. I don’t dream here, for I am already in one.
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Sometimes working in the theater is far from glamorous. Take right now for example. I’m working on Horton Foote’s “Dividing the Estate” at the Alley in Houston. Do I spend my time hanging out with the fabulous cast that includes Elizabeth Ashley? Do I have any fancy or intricate set changes? No. I spend most of the evening cooking and cleaning. During Act One I cook the meal that they eat and during Act Two I clean the dishes.
This seems to be a running theme in my career right now. We had another full meal during “August: Osage County” – and I did dishes. “God of Carnage” had deserts and… other things – and I did dishes. Even “A Christmas Carol” had a party scene with lots of wine and fancy glasses – and I did dishes (and will be doing them again next month.) It would almost appear that I am being assigned shows based on my skills in the kitchen (but that would not explain the towering pile of dirty dishes in my home kitchen.)
But every once in a while, something really cool happens. Like last night.
The show was nearing it’s end and I headed to the kitchen to collect my china charges. As I walked the arcing backstage area, a man appeared near the stage manager’s office. It took me a moment to recognize him, but when I did, I was floored. Hal Holbrook was standing there chatting. He was waiting to see Ms. Ashley – they had done “Evening Shade” together. I went about my chore of drying and collecting the dishes while he complimented her on the show – which he loved. They talked about Dixie. They talked about Burt. And all the while, I kept thinking “Hal Holbrook” is right over there. I wanted to be a geek and get his autograph.
But sometimes you just gotta keep you squee in check.
Like the time Stephen Root came to see “Monster at the Door.” Or when Blythe Danner came to see “August.” Or when Gerald McRaney popped in during “Estate” tech.
It’s moments like these that remind you that doing a few dishes isn’t always a bad thing.
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So proud of my buddy Abe Sylvia! For more info on this incredible movie click the link below…
http://weinsteinco.com/sites/dirty-girl
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I had the pleasure of meeting Sara as we shared the stage at George Washington University for a GLAAD Panel this past week. She is a breath of fresh air and has a great perspective on life – AND the talent to share it with all of us in creative ways. To learn more about this video …
http://www.fightflightvideo.us
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Where to begin …
I am so thankful to have spent the past week in our Nation’s Capital – Washington, D.C., for the 20th Anniversary of the “Reel Affirmations Film Festival”. It would not have been possible without the support and kindness of GLAAD Organization – especially Jonathan Howard & Greg Jones, Reel Affirmations Film Festival Leaders – especially, Larry Guillemette and Lisa King, and my amazing friend Doug Hattaway for his hospitality and kindness. Also, a huge thanks to the entire production team of my recent film, “Into the Lion’s Den” – especially Dan Lantz & Adam Danoff; the folks at Breaking Glass Pictures – especially Richard Ross and Philip Malaczewski. Shout out to my co-stars Jesse Archer & Kristen Alexzander Griffith. And a HUGE thank you to my friends Jamie McGonnigal and Ward Morrison for supporting and documenting these events with their amazing photography skills.
The week started with an incredible panel called, “Out of the Closet and Onto the Screen” – sponsored by GLAAD & One in Ten. I shared the stage with the likes of Brad Bell, new media star and the writer & actor in the new web series “Husbands”, Michelle Clunie, actress in Queer as Folk and Make It or Break It, Bob Mondello, National Public Radio’s Arts Critic, Stephen Forssell, GWU faculty, & Sara Snyder, filmmaker. The panel was hosted by my new friend and Metro Weekly’s Chris Geidner. From Maurice to Milk, people have been coming out of the closet and jumping onto the screen for generations. While portraying an LGBT character on film once meant career suicide, the elite of Hollywood are now clamoring to “play gay.” In 2011, our lives and our families are all over the media. Considering our past and present – what does the next frontier hold for our portrayal on the silver screen? All this and more was discussed!!
Here are some movies that I highly recommend that you see:
Over the past week I have learned so much about the LGBT Film Industry and its history, met incredibly talented and passionate people, and soaked in the culture that is Washington, D.C. – especially by sneaking away and enjoying the city and all that it has to offer – for example, attending The Taste of Georgetown with my new buddy Matt – yummy! I am proud to be on this journey as an Actor – to be learning and growing every day – to be able to do what I love. My next stop is Anchorage, Alaska to do some Angel Readings for a good friend’s Birthday Party and then to Chicago (my hometown) for the “Reeling Film Festival” premiere of, “Into the Lion’s Den”, on November 8th, 2011 at 9:15 PM CST at The Landmark’s Century Centre Cinema … get your tickets HERE! I CANNOT WAIT to see everyone in Chicago – I miss you all so much…
Stay tuned for more fun projects!
Warmly,
Ronnie
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I propose that when we are born, we are all angels; with similar gifts of inspiration, love, compassion, courage, and strength. The only difference from our heavenly counterparts is that we are born with only one wing.
In life we meet, befriend, and love other one winged angels. However in many cases our wings are unable to support one another; some too big, others too small. Unable to soar the heavens together we fall victim to sadness and tend to give up. However if finding our wings were easy, we wouldn’t appreciate the flight.
Shall we Soar?
While it takes a lifetime to find our wings, when we do we soar the heavens together for an eternity.
So for the meantime, I walk alone [as many others may do] with the weight of my wing grounding me to Earth, waiting.
Waiting; for I know that one day I will soar with the love of my life firmly at my side. Maybe, someday.
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As I am lying motionless on the lawn in the early summer warmth, I’m staring at the sky. The clouds are racing each other up high on the light blue. The wind is violently rustling the treetop, as I am sheltered from the gusts by the garden itself. Only a soft whisk occasionally catches my hair.
A book is lying open on my chest, my mind veered off its story hours ago.
What am I staring at? Nothing.
What am I thinking about? My mind is travelling along a trail-of-thought very familiar to me in these last few weeks. I usually follow this trail partly like an explorer in the jungle, hacking away at the thick growth with a machete, as well as like a nomad trekking silently through an empty desert. But all the while there is one thing following me on my way, a lingering feeling of weight.
The trail-of-thought starts at the beginning of this year, as I embarked on a new chapter of my life, back here in my hometown, as a fresh professional architect. I have since then dealt with demons that awaited me here (THAT spot on the Road), and found my confidence as a young architect set on leaving my mark in the city I grew up in. Through unusual opportunities, and with the help of people that believe in me more than I do myself, I am well under way to reaching this goal: After designing a couple of up-market, multi-million N$ houses, I got the chance to design a multi-storey, mixed use mid-rise building, in the heart of downtown Windhoek. It was an euphoric ride as I took the project from conception through to its presentation and launch to the public. After it sold out just days after launch, construction is scheduled to begin in a few months, and will complete towards the end of 2013 – and will be used/lived in by close to 500 people on a normal day.
One could say, at my age, with the kind of challenges, experience and exposure my job is offering me at this point in time, I am living every young architect’s dream. And I guess I am.
Then what – is this damn feeling of weight lingering, hanging around with me, on the couch, in the car, at work, at the supermarket (esp. at the supermarket), weekdays and weekends, in the evening and mostly in the mornings?
Yes, there are things that happened this year that I am carrying around with me lately; remnant feelings of anger and sadness (the jungle I am thrashing with a machete). But I am aware of this baggage, like the familiar weight of your wallet in your pocket. You know its there and you know what it is. These weights are not the ones I am referring to. The one I mean is yet to be properly located and identified.
Birds are skillfully mastering the rushing wind, as they fly high in the sky, going about their business.
- free as a bird -
And this is where the trail-of-thought hits the desert. It’s quiet here, some kind of foreboding in the air as I set off to find the origin of the mysterious stowaway, this weight, which has been hitching a ride with me.
I am a creative person, a creator; I create things every day – every minute. Be it ideas in my field of work, or just my mind going wild, bouncing off the walls like a 5-year-old after that whole packet of candy. The world has no limits, they say. But, at the moment my world does seem to have its limits. And it is making me claustrophobic.
With my job comes an immense sense of responsibility. And yes, the stories are true: Architects do work crazy hours, and mostly 7 days a week. All the time! Even if it doesn’t always look that way. That is what is driving me crazy at this point. My job has taken over my whole life. It has become my sole priority.
There is this saying that if you live your job, and it is exactly what you want to do with your life, you wont ‘work’ a day in your life.
Is being an architect exactly what I want to do? After finishing high school and immediately starting at university, and after that immediately jumping into a career, I never paused to REALLY ask myself that question.
All I can say now is that architecture is something that fulfills me and to a certain extent makes me happy. But I do know that it is not the only thing I want to do with my life. I, for once, want to give my creativity the FULL freedom it is longing for – here I find the stowaway:
It is a longing for space,
Space to breathe,
Space to think,
Space to travel,
And Space to find that true center of purpose.
The afternoon warmth is slowly giving way to that fresh evening air. The sky is clear now. The wind has calmed. It is clear. I need to take a break from this career I am following, a long break. And go. Just go wherever fate may take me, and drift.
How much time will it take, I don’t know, we’ll see. When will I dot it? At the end of this year I am going on a holiday with friends to South East Asia. I consider this the preview to my coming adventure of self-discovery. I am planning to stay at my current job until the end of next year, in order to accumulate a descent portfolio of experience.
And then, I will pack all of it away;
grab a few things and go … - free as a bird – … searching.
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