The Power of Real Friends…

by Kenn Gaither on January 22, 2012

Hello everyone, it’s been a while since I have been able to contribute to this forum. Last year was one of many great changes in my life (professionally) and that directly affected my time and committment to my other loves and interests. My new job comes with a great deal of responsibilities and expectations. I threw myself into this new career venture 100% in order to prove myself to a new boss, and proudly took on the leadership role given to me by the powers that be.
Not only was ‘I’ in a new job, by wonderful partner (of 15 years) also made a career move at the same time, which not only changed our personal schedules, by dramatically altered our free time with each other and our commitments to our church, family and friends. While we are both pleased with our new jobs we found that as the holidays came and went we were constantly fine tuning calendars and communications… almost to the point, that our standard means of exchanging information became memos and frequent calendar print outs of each other’s itineraries. This month my devoted beau is doing a great deal of travelling (related to his work), while I finally have a few moments to ‘exhale’ for a bit.
While JD was away on his most recent business excursion, I had some time to arrange a ‘boys night out’ with five of my oldest and dearest friends. (We have known each other and kept in regular contact for the past three decades). We get together twice a year…once with our respective partners, wives and families…and once with just the boys. Last night was just for the boys.
It was a sheer delight from the beginning to the end of the evening. I arrived at the home of one of the five, that was hosting the evening. (We all contribute to the gathering with a dish and/or beverages). I came in, and dropped of my dish in the kitchen, and was the second of the five to arrive. There were the customary hugs of hello and we immediately launched into our regular patter of chit-chat for the evening. The last two arrived shortly after me and our circle was complete.
During the course of the evening with cocktails, small plates of appetizers, all the way to dinner and dessert, the conversation never lagged. We caught up, with every issue on the planet, starting with the acknowledgement of the absent spouses and children (for those of us with kids), and seamlessly sequed to religion, politics, gay and straight relationships…and for a brief moment while one of the other guys was sharing his most recent happening, I went into my head for a moment and thought….
How incredibly blessed I am to have this powerful circle of men in my life! Gay, straight, Christian, Jewish, African-American, Puerto Rican, business owners, business partners, husbands, fathers, sons…Brothers! Brothers all! And we …we ‘choose’ each other’s company. We pick up from where we left off each time we see one another. We share our dreams, talk about our fears and laugh until we cry over so many memories.
I think many of you are familiar with the expression, “We don’t choose our families…” Well, that may need some modifying, for I have chosen this brotherhood of men to be part of my family and knowing them is one of the greatest successes in my life. I hope the year ahead and life in general brings you such success.

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2012: The Year of The Dream

by Jennifer on January 13, 2012

Every New Year, I always find myself coming up with a new theme for life. Sometimes it’s the year of adventure, another year could be devoted to moving on from painful memories, and yet another could be all about living my life to the fullest. Over time, each of these themes level out and balance each other, enriching my life in ways that I had never thought possible!

As I tried to come up with a theme for this year, it had hit me: the year of making my dreams come true. In years past I have always tried to accomplish this goal along with my theme, but never quite hit the mark. But that didn’t deter me. Every year would come and go, my bigger dreams always failing to meet their mark, yet still very much alive. Fortunately, 2011 may have changed the game.

With a sense of determination & confidence, I started last year trying to figure out what I truly wanted out of life. My writing had taken a back-burner to work, fatigue, & day-to-day chores. Playing the piano overrun with more gigs and commitments than I could imagine. This needed to stop.

It took a lot of work, but things became a lot clearer once I started allowing time for the things I loved. Writing became the solace I needed to do in order to function. (Maybe not publicly to all of my readers, but at least to try and quiet my busy mind.) And when we moved into our first home, I found myself sitting down with my sheet music, blazing through each piece like I had never lost my touch.

2011 had also become a year with more time with good friends, a few getaways with my boyfriend & most importantly: having the chance to take a vacation with my best friend to Hershey Park for a concert (and some sweet rides!) There was more time spent with friends & family, more memories made outside of a gig, and what I had come to realize….more opportunity than I realized.

I took more personal pictures, branched out my music tastes, danced harder, sang louder, challenged my writing skills with new ideas and by the end of it all embraced everything I stood for. The end of 2011 was full of promise and hope for the upcoming year….ringing in 2012 meant a New Year to fill with even more wonderful moments & people!

But getting back to my original thought, while I have all of those wonderful things, I still want to reach my dreams. And with everything going in such a positive direction (since negativity got the boot last year), it’s about time I grab for something even bigger. So here I am, in 2012, writing anything and everything I can down, especially with my new music column for Stylewhipped.com (which I will share with you in another post), expanding my knowledge of different music genres through iTunes & Spotify, and giving myself an honest to God chance to prove that I can do it all.

I may say this every year, but I do believe now more than ever: This is my year.

~Jenn
(aka, aspiring music writer)

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New Years Resolutions

by Joshua J. Miller on January 9, 2012

During the weeks leading up to New Years Eve, you often hear the question “What is your New Years Resolution?” My reply is “I don’t make those.”

It’s not that I don’t think there could be a value from making a New Years Resolution, but at the end of the day, I believe you should work to improve your life everyday, throughout the year. If I’m going to join a gym, I’ll do it when my schedule is conducive to creating a routine. If I need to diet, I’ll do it when appropriate and necessary.

Logging onto FB today, one status said ” [] is getting a late start on my new year’s resolutions. I’ll start tomorrow, lol.” This status was responded to with ” Me too” and “I gave up on mine on January 3rd!” Why do we put so much weight on a resolution, when reality proves that for a majority of people, they are unsuccessful? If we desire to create change but don’t actually anticipate achieving results, why pretend?

Alternatives to the “New Years Resolution” that I think have merit-
1. A list of goals for the year – something comparative to a bucket list. These would be things you see as achievable, but also work to motivate you (this could be as small as “I want to try eel this year” or bigger to push yourself “I want to skydive during 2012″)
2. A retrospective look at the past year – What did you do that you want to change in the year to come? What do you want to continue and improve? What needs to be expelled from your life to improve your efficiency, happiness, or health?

As the New Year begins- I couldn’t be more ready to return to a routine of work, school, the gym, and time with friends. Work at NFocus- where we will prepare for a slew of events beginning in March. School- 6 credit hours at Indiana University SE (including Micro Econ- not my strength). Gym- Proformance on River Road- where they offer bootcamp, personal training, and workouts for those who need a flexible schedule.

I look forward to a year of wonderful experiences, interacting with new people, trying new food & wine, and hopefully a trip or two to Fashion Week (Spring & Fall) in New York City.

xoxo JM

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Being gay is Unnatural – Is that TRUE?

by Ronnie on December 21, 2011

The brilliant work of Byron Katie…this is a must watch!

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Vulnerability, Self, & Oneness

by Ronnie on December 20, 2011

The following videos were shared with me by my friends – and they have truly changed my life. Thandie Newton & Brene Brown discuss the topics of vulnerability, self, and oneness with such clarity and soulfulness! In a world where we are born into “oneness” we quickly learn how to create “self” in order to navigate the social world – but that self is not necessarily who we are. Our “self” is shaped, for better or worse, by the people in our lives and experiences that we have. We develop a sense of “self” in order to survive/fit in, but more than that to escape having to think about the inevitable – death.

In order to truly connect with others we must challenge our “selves” to be vulnerable, to live authentically, and to find oneness again! It is most important to realize that “we are enough” – just as we are. We must give up on the idea of who we are “supposed to be” or what others “want us to be” and acknowledge who we really are. I was watching Oprah one day and I remember Kenny Rogers shared this really cool idea: “We are all three people – The person we think we are, the person others think we are, and the person we really are.” I have thought about this many times since watching the program and it makes such perfect sense now!!

Perception is always reality, but perceptions are not always truth. In other words, someone may perceive me and make a judgment based on how I walk, talk, or an action that I have taken; while that may be their truth, it may not be accurate. For example: Many times people have made snap judgments (positive and negative) about me based on my appearance on Make Me a Supermodel, my Playgirl Magazine spread, or other projects. While these perceptions and judgments are valid to them – it does not make them truth. In fact, as a society we love to make snap judgments about people, especially those we see on TV, but unless we actually meet them to confirm our perceptions – with what evidence can we really ground our findings?

I have recently discovered, that as a young man that happens to be gay, I have been suffering from “Best Child in the World Syndrome” or BCWS for short. Basically, growing up different from a majority of my peers with regards to my sexuality has challenged me to create a “self” that would “fit-in”. We all want to fit in, to be accepted, and to know that we are loved; after-all it is ALL about being “connected”. When that connection is threatened our brains are smart enough to tweak and manipulate our “self” to be more likable, understood, and mainstream. When we make those adjustments of “self” we may feel a temporary sense of comfort because our desired result of acceptance is achieved, but in reality we are not living authentically. This is when shame and guilt set in – a sense of having to hide and the thought of ” I hope they don’t discover the real me” pops into our minds; we begin to live in a state of FEAR. This fear is limiting and keeps us imprisoned in our fabricated sense of self that only prolongs the journey to “oneness”.

I personally can look back at the past 14 years, let’s call them my “Out Years”, and reflect on all the times I tried to be the best at everything, to be perfect, to win over everyone’s affection; all this in hopes that they wouldn’t judge me or simply label me “Gay” and be done with it. I always knew that I had more to offer the world, but how would the world ever know if they discounted me simply because of the gender of the person with whom I fell in love. I didn’t understand my sexuality anymore than the next person – in fact many nights I used to cry and pray it away. I hated my “self” and wanted nothing more to simply be “normal” or like everyone else. In trying to over-compensate for what I felt to be a horrible curse, I lost who I really was along the way. My deep desire to be loved and to fit-in took me off the path of truth and I found myself living in a house built on quicksand – that would inevitably sink. It manifested itself in poisonous and toxic ways – ways that were not only self-destructive, but hurt others around me too.

It wasn’t until I could accept my sexuality as a gift, rather than a curse, that I finally discovered my true “self” – my authentic being. Even now, although I have made much progress – it is still not enough. Being an openly gay actor/model in a very “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell Hollywood” I still find myself hiding from who I am simply out of fear of not being accepted or cast in a project. At the end of the day, it is still “Show Business”, which means most decisions are based on Middle-America’s willingness to buy a movie ticket. It is my hope that as I continue to learn and develop my craft that I will have opportunities not only to work on incredible LGBT related projects (like the ones that I have already had the privilege to work on), but to one day soon have the chance to work on studio films. I can do my part to work towards “oneness”, but it takes a village. We all have parts of our “selves” that we don’t necessarily understand, that we label as “bad”, or that we hide because of what others may say or think about us; but is hiding these parts of us worth losing the abundance that we deserve and the happiness that the Universe wants each of us to know? If we want acceptance we must strive to be more accepting of others. If we want love, we must learn how to love. If we want to connect, we must allow our “selves” to be vulnerable and open to connection.

Change and growth begins with our “selves”. Are you happy with your current “self”? Why or why not? What things can you do or stop doing to improve your sense of “self”? Life is too short to live in fear, to be held imprisoned by the limitations of others, or to live in a fabricated world of “selves”. I am committed to doing my part to achieve “oneness’ and to challenge my “self” to live authentically, but the question is will you do the same? Imagine a world in which all of our “selves” would resonate with a warm, loving, and accepting energy. A world no longer disconnected from truth and drowning its fears with mind-numbing pharmaceuticals. A world that was vulnerably beautiful and living together as “ONE”…

 

 

Photo Credit: Tom Hafner-Elicerio

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Andrew Christian Holiday Greetings!!

by Ronnie on December 8, 2011

I had so much fun filming this with all my friends at Andrew Christian! It has been awhile since I laughed SO much. Thanks to Andrew Christian, Brad Hammer, Michael Piper-Younie, Shawn Adeli, Erika Dorsey, Steven Savoie, Max Herr, Cheryl Lew, and even that Pussy Biatch that tried to steal my thunder – Mercedes the Cat. I hope you all enjoy our special Holiday Greeting, share it with your friends, and comment on it plenty!

May 2012 bring us all much happiness, great success, and lots of love…

Ronnie

 

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HILLARY CLINTON: LGBT RIGHTS SPEECH

by Ronnie on December 7, 2011

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The triple “L” R

by London Villamayor on December 5, 2011

Whatever happened to people writing those oh so romantical long-hand love letters? I mean, really? You know, the epic kind that mirror the likes that Shakespeare would be proud of. The kind that can inspire a great aria. The kind that can melt even the most glacial of hearts. Can it exist? In our era of instant gratification, has the long-hand love letter fallen victim to extinction via the Sext?

It’s the saddest thing really when romance dies.

I propose a triple “L” R… The Long-hand Love Letter Revolution. le sigh. That instead of sext-ing, texting, facebook-ing, tweeting… even emailing for that matter surprise someone you love with a triple L.R. who knows maybe it will spawn a romantical revolution of epic proportions. Maybe.

I wonder if it’d ever catch on, cause I mean really, maybe it’s just a pipe dream where rainbows and unicorns live in a fantasia of technicolor. I wonder… I wonder whether the world is even equipped for this kind of revolution… maybe it’s just far too romantical for the time being.

This year has definitely brought about a plethora of life lesson. I think I’ve really tried to opened myself up to letting someone in [One someone in particular: refer to my first entry]. Anyways, leaps of faith, at least I would think so, have been made, however I continue to find myself at the crossroad of whether to compromise my ideals for an awakening so to speak for the “right” guy.

Yes, as previously blogged, I’m a virgin [whether people believe it or not] I sometimes think I should just get it over with but call me idealistic, I WANT to fall into an epic kind of Love and even more so, stay in Love.

Apparently, being a person in my current state, tends to illicit views and stereotypes purely of a sexual nature. Which is incredibly unfair. That is NOT who I am, that is NOT how I want to be portrayed or perceived.

There are clear days when I personally feel like all that I will ever be to a person is an object… the world is so finite to display me like a porcelain doll. Granted there have been instances where I’ve wanted to be purely ravaged by primal animalistic passions, but I find myself so guarded and awkward in most instances that I revert to a place of what can only be described as childlike naivety.

I’ve ventured to take the unconventional world wide web to find that person [which surprisingly now seem to be the norm in most circles]. In the process I’ve conversed a few notables: a gorgeous energy trading Spaniard with 2 alleged kids & a penis complex, handsome 2 drunk 2 drive corporate consultant ken doll type, a pocket size Columbian student reminds me of a friend, a numerous about of barkers not worth mentioning, the dream look-a-like master chief firefighter,  a plethora of some of the hottest guys I’ve ever laid eyes on but are NSA-FWB only, and the list could go on. I feel like I’m missing out on something. I feel like what seems to be holding me back is this pining for that one guy who has ruined all others even though we haven’t even officially met yet.

. Clearly I’m smitten on one guy in particular[see my first entry], and he just confuses the hell out of me. He’s this giant question mark, clusterfluffing my mind. So I text him every so often hoping he’s well… and nothing for weeks/months on end, and then all of a sudden some of the most caring text messages. I don’t get it. Then I was sent a picture, and usually when a guy sends you a picture because he thought you would “like” it… I mean what is that?

I think I’m over getting all clusterfluffed. So thats what’s up. Waiting for THE ONE,  you know, just in case he should actually exist; for me that is. le sigh.

 

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Holiday Gifts: Kyle Chan Design

by Ronnie on November 29, 2011

As I sit in front of my computer screen getting lost in all the Holiday Shopping ADs – I am so thankful for my friend and jewelry designer Kyle Chan. Kyle and I met a few years back in NYC through our mutual friend Perry Ullmann from Make Me a Supermodel (season one). Little did I know that it was going to be a friendship that I would truly embrace and treasure for a lifetime. I believe in Kyle as a person and as an artist and would like to introduce him to all of you via this blog. I hope you will take a moment to check out his website and see all of the beautiful pieces he has in his men’s and women’s collections – all unique, affordable, and eye catchers.

Whenever I where Kyle Chan I get stopped and complimented by men and women on my taste in jewelry. There is no better confidence booster!! So, this holiday – skip all the holiday fuss and get all your shopping done in one place, Kyle Chan Design.

 http://kylechandesign.com

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Anything is Possible

by Ronnie on November 3, 2011

“Anything Is Possible”

Up against the world as you face your destiny,
Don’t let today’s regrets affect tomorrow’s dreams.
When you shoot for the moon and you miss your mark,
Baby you’ll still end up so high among the stars.

Anyone can give up when it’s time to risk it all,
Know it where you stand and you’ll never fall.

If you can see how you imagine your life
You want to dream now and you know that anything is possible
It’s not who you are, it’s where you wanna go.
You don’t need a miracle, believe that anything is possible.

Take it brick by brick, throw away the stone
Take a chance on something, build a castle you call home.
Live for the moment, you can’t put into words.
Don’t keep a song inside, let your voice be heard.

Find a true desire, don’t be afraid to cry.
Better to reach for something, than to never have tried

It’s time to see how you imagine your life.
You want to dream, you know that anything is possible.
It’s not who you are, it’s where you wanna go.
You don’t need a miracle, believe that anything is possible.

It’s not who you are, it’s where you wanna go.
You don’t need a miracle, believe that anything is possible.

It’s time to see how you imagine your life.
You want to dream, anything is possible.

It’s not who you are, it’s where you wanna go.
You don’t need a miracle, anything is possible.

It’s the choice you make, it’s the time you take
It’s the risk you take, you know that anything is possible.
It’s a choice you make, it’s a time you take
It’s a risk you take, believe that anything is possible.

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